Trying Harder vs. Letting Go: A Lesson From a Maine Reef

The Reef, the Tide, and the Shoe That Wouldn't Fit

The Hoka, the Reef, and the Grace to Let Go

The sun came up over the Maine coast the next morning with no wind at all.

After a night spent sleeping like astronauts — braced against the walls of our 28-foot sailboat while it sat tilted on a hard rock reef — the tide finally came in. The water lifted us, the boat leveled out, and once again, we were afloat.

The challenge of being sideways was over. It was time to pull up the anchor and move on.

As I stood in the cabin with one foot squarely on the floor, I found myself in a new battle. This time, it wasn't with the ocean or the rocks.

It was with my pants.

I was standing there, hopping on one leg, trying with everything I had to shove my foot through the pant leg. The problem? I already had my shoe on, a great big chunky Hoka sneaker.

If you know Hokas, you know they're wonderful for your arches and terrible in narrow spaces.

That absolutely did not fit through that pant leg.

But there I was, tugging and huffing, thinking, I can make this work. I just need to pull harder.

Then I stopped and laughed.

Because the lesson was SO obvious.

Just a few hours earlier, our boat had been stuck on a reef where it simply didn't fit. No amount of effort could force the tide to come in faster. No amount of wishing could make the boat belong on those rocks.

And now here I was doing the exact same thing with my sneaker.

When "I Can Get Through This" Stops Working

This is what so many high-performing women do every day.

Especially in healthcare.

You got through training. You got through long shifts, hard seasons, difficult personalities, family demands, and impossible expectations. You learned how to make it work. You learned how to push through.

That strength is real.

But sometimes the very mindset that helps you succeed becomes the thing that keeps you stuck.

You force yourself to stay in roles that drain you. You try to make difficult management feel normal. You override the signals that something has changed. You wonder why everything feels SO hard and heavy.

At work, maybe you're still the one taking the extra shift, covering the gap, or doing the non-clinical work on your own time.

At home, maybe you're getting short-fused with your partner or your kids. Maybe you're exhausted, indecisive, and frustrated with yourself.

Research on burnout backs this up — the sharpest rise in exhaustion doesn't come from effort alone, it comes from the gap between the effort someone puts in and what they get back for it, a mismatch that's especially common where doctors feel like a mere cog in the health system motor and among nurses who feel they can't say no.

Underneath it all you think to yourself:

I should be able to make this work.

Flow Doesn't Come From Forcing

The truth that morning was simple.

I did not need to try harder. I needed a different approach.

Take off the shoe. Put on the pants. Then put the shoe back on.

That's all.

What struck me was how quickly struggle had replaced common sense. I was still on autopilot from the drama of running aground, where I was trying to make things work and I didn't stop to ask whether forcing was necessary at all. That's what happens when we lose touch with flow.

Flow is not giving up or being passive. Flow is not avoiding reality.

Flow is taking the right action in the moment for reality as it is.

When we give ourselves grace and space to name what no longer fits, we open the door to a different way of moving:

• better performance because we stop wasting energy resisting what's true

• healthier relationships because we hold less frustration toward the people we love

• more peace of mind because we stop treating every challenge like a test of endurance

Grace does not win in a struggle.

Grace allows for the possibility that the struggle is unnecessary.

A Better Question

So today, I'm wondering:

What are you trying to white-knuckle right now?

Where are you tugging harder when what you really need is to pause?

Where are you forcing a fit instead of allowing a little more flow?

Sometimes the next right move is not more effort.

Sometimes it's honesty or space.

Can you imagine letting go of the old way long enough to discover an easier one?

You deserve to rest like a baby, not like an astronaut braced for impact.

If this speaks to you, join my newsletter. I share stories, reflections, and practical tools to help women in healthcare create more flow, more self-trust, and a little less tugging. What line here feels most true for your life right now?

FAQ

How do I know if I'm forcing something instead of letting it flow? A common sign is repeating the same effort and expecting a different result — pushing harder on a problem that hasn't changed, rather than pausing to ask if the approach itself needs to change.

Is letting go the same as giving up? No. Letting go means responding to what's actually true instead of what you wish were true. Giving up is disengaging from the outcome; letting go is often what makes a better outcome possible.

Why do high-achieving women struggle with this more? The habits that build a career — pushing through, not asking for help, treating every challenge as a test of endurance — are also the ones that make it hardest to recognize when a different approach is needed.

Want more stories and tips on finding your flow?

I'd love to have you in our community. In my newsletter, I share a little bit of wisdom and a lot of heart to help you navigate your own journey with more ease and less "tugging."

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